January 5, 2017 by hotminnie
There are many so-called celebrities who want to (re-)gain fame by standing up for illegal migrants. Most of these persons just end up being ridiculous. The well-known columnist Katie Hopkins wrote a fitting address to one of them, the former singer Lily Allen. Referring to the many rapes conducted by such illegal migrants, Allen had claimed, tearfully, that she only had been raped by white men so far.
Stop trying to be the People’s Pop Princess, Lily: Forget baiting white men and stick to the music, drink and drugs.
It’s a beautiful thing to watch when a strong woman stands up for the stuff she believes in.
Especially when we are used to seeing her half-cut and passed out on the floor, after swigging Jack Daniels straight from the bottle.
To be fair to Lily Allen, we’ve all been there. All mothers have been driven to drink at some point, cracking open the Merlot before wine o’clock.
I mean, what single mother of two kids hasn’t been seen carried abut Notting Hill like a shoulder of beef by a random DJ boyfriend in the middle of the day?
Why, only last week I found myself slumped behind the bins at Lidl after six-too-many cans of Special Brew, and had to buy the wetsuit they had on offer in aisle three (next to the canned sausages) because I’d wet myself.
I may have missed the school run but cut me some slack! I mean, who says single women have to do the school run for the children they gave birth to, anyway? That’s just forced responsibility and I blame the patriarchy. And the Conservative government for failing me on childcare.
As Lily says, ‘I’ve got nannies who can look after my kids in the morning if I have got a hangover. Who wouldn’t be jealous of that?’
Too right, you little purple-haired pocket rocket. If I could get away with my kids knowing I was morally bankrupt and still get a bowl of Coco-pops down their throats every morning, I’d be a speaker on chuffing Mumsnet.
And as an ardent feminist, why shouldn’t Lily be paralytic when she wants? If you can’t trust men at our ‘annual stabbing festival’ — aka Notting Hill Carnival — where can you trust them?
This year only 450 people were arrested and six stabbed. These are the people Lily says she loves. As sexual assault barometer of our times, Lily’s foof is the oracle.
And as she rightly points out, people should not point the finger of blame at black men, or migrants as ‘the only people I’ve ever been assaulted by have been white men.’
Other might raise the teeny inconvenient truth that she doesn’t appear to have reported these crimes. Or that the majority of violent crimes committed by males in London were committed by black males. Or that in Norway 100 per cent of violent street rapes in Oslo were carried out by non-Western immigrants.
Or that of 5,682 custodial sentences for males for rape in England and Wales, 12 per cent were Muslim. Which is striking when Muslims are estimated to make up just 5 per cent of our population.
However, I don’t want facts to detract from a moment of glory for the people’s pop princess.
I’ve only ever been sexually assaulted by a bus driver in Indonesia. He manage to take the plunge in my clunge with a grubby thumb as I leaned forward to get on his bus. I was almost tempted to email Everyday Sexism until I realized I probably should have worn pants.
Lily’s critics are not so kind. For them the People’s Pop Princess is basically a short, crap Lady Di. But without a cause.
Although she thought she nearly found one at Calais — from the comfort of a warehouse far away from the mobs who mugged my cameraman whilst I was being touched up and being tear-gassed.
A migrant reduced her to floods of tears with his sad story of woe. Forcing the people’s pop princess to apologise — especially to all the child migrants in Calais — on behalf of her people, the people of Britain, for what we put them through.
The child migrants. Remember those pictures? The Home Office says almost 45 per cent of those who arrived over the last decade are over 18. I’d suggest most were nearing 30 and were only ever looking for an easier life and an iPhone 7 – damn hard to get hold of in Tunisia I’ll have you know.
Lily even promised to bring a migrant home. To live with her. Like a pet, but less likely to be toilet trained and more likely to try and hump your daughter.
Silly Lily, I think you used to be bloody good. At singing. I’m wondering whether little Lily should perhaps focus on doing stuff she is good at. Like … erm … drugs. She binged on ecstasy in Ibiza and is incredibly laid back about their use: ‘I’ve taken drugs. I found them and find them fun and I don’t think I’m a bad person because of it.’
No. You are not a bad person because of it, Lily. I have always said that a history of drug-taking, excessive drinking, expulsion from school and heroic levels of white-man baiting do not make someone a bad person. Or a bad mum.
Actually, silly Lily, I think you used to be bloody good. At singing. Remember that John Lewis ad. Still the best ever. My husband loves you – he says you are enigmatic.
My advice is to stop trying so hard to fit into a movement. Stop trying to be bigger than the lost little girl you still are, wishing your dad hadn’t abandoned you as a child.
We are more than just the daughter of our dad. Look at Calum Best. Or Cruz Beckham. Or Jesus. Or Peaches Geldof… (actually, cancel that last one.)
They really cracked on and made a name for themselves.
Lily, take a break from trying to be something you aren’t. Go back to being the singer in trainers and prom dresses that we all fell in love with on Myspace back in 2005.